Tales from Suburbia by Brandi Haas *Giveaway
Posted by brriske
Tales from Suburbia
by Brandi Haas
The setting is Anytown, USA, among barking dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors. You don’t have to be crazy to live here, but it helps!
Tales from Suburbia will make you laugh, warm your heart, and let you know you’re not alone. Mothers (and fathers) will recognize themselves, their children, and the absurd situations that family life brings to us all.
Called to the Principal’s Office
“Your daughter had an altercation with some other girls on the playground. Just name-calling, nothing psychical. I just wanted to speak with you about something your daughter said to the other girls,” Dr. Oats says calmly.
And suddenly I know exactly why we are here. Our baby girl had a run-in with those mean girls again. Those girls who won’t let her play unless she is wearing what they are wearing and only when the mood strikes them. The last time our daughter came home crying over these girls, my husband and I sat her down and gave her some ideas as to how to deal with these kinds of situations. My husband wisely told her to just go play with other kids and ignore these girls. My advice was not as sage and is certainly the reason we are sitting here today.
I armed my daughter with clever retorts for the mean kids she encounters which included, but are not limited to:
Perhaps if your parents IQs weren’t below one hundred, you would know how to function within the normal social paradigm.
It’s not your fault your parents don’t love you. It’s the booze.
That Hello Kitty headband makes your forehead look big.
That’s quite a mustache you have there. (Effective for mean girls only—mean boys would take this as a compliment.)
All solid banter for the playground bullies, but now, sitting here in the principal’s office, I start to think my husband’s approach was the better choice. A fact I will never share with him, but I am now plagued with some regret.
“Your daughter called two girls ugly and really hurt their feelings,” says Dr. Oats.
I breathe a sigh of relief. Our sweet, little girl didn’t use mommy’s hilarious, albeit inappropriate, retorts after all. Our daughter went for the one thing we have taught her since she was a baby.
“Dr. Oats, we have always told our daughter that beauty comes from inside a person.”
**I received this book from the author and Paranormal Romance and Authors That Rock.**
Thoroughly enjoyable! Within the first few chapters, I had laughed out loud several times, and startled my child at that. She looked at me and asked “what’s so funny?” I looked at her and said “until you’re a mom, you just won’t get it”. At this point, she just looked at me like I’d lost my mind, but admit that even then I couldn’t stop smiling. I’m not a stay at home mom, but do know quite a few of them so although they may not agree with everything in this book, I saw each of them portrayed in some way. I know a Cosco fanatic…and she’d own up to it too! The sarcastic mom? Check. The former English teacher turned stay at home mom? Check.
The book is not a story, it is short clips or chapters of events as portrayed by a stay at home mom. And even before she became a mom, she tells short stories of meeting her husband, being a teacher, and life lessons learned before and after becoming a wife and mother. I guarantee that even if you are not a mom, you can relate to something in this book. I’ll admit, some of the antics were insane, but deep down, we all know we have our quirks so even when I thought to myself “no way”, I just thought of those little things that I myself do that I wouldn’t share outside of my house, but that my family is perfectly aware of. Then there were the times I found myself choking back laughter, but only when in public…you know, the office, while standing in line at the grocery store or in the bank because who can stand in line or eat lunch at work and NOT read a book while doing so? I then understood her comments on people thinking she was crazy, because at these times, people looked at me like I was. I would of course point down to the book and say “this is hilarious”. Sometimes that helped, and sometimes people just shook their heads and I knew they were still thinking I was nuts.
Would I recommend the book? Absolutely. I’m sure there are some moms that would think they don’t want to read about someone’s life when the book perfectly describes their own, but believe me, I walked away thinking that at least I’m not alone. Being a parent is hard work, and there isn’t a paycheck involved, but when those little people hug and kiss you, that is reward enough. And as they get older, you miss those days. This book reminded me of those things I missed (because again, I wasn’t the stay at home mom and I only got to see some of the things my babies did some of the time), those things I don’t miss (the sleepless nights, colic, vomit and diarrhea), and that as they get older, our challenges will change, but I will always be a mom.
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
In kindergarten, I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up. My answer was a neatly written sentence: “I want to write a book about a story.”
The joy I find in writing has never waned. I find humor in all that I see and live my life secure in the knowledge that everything is funny. And now after an amazing ten years of teaching, I find myself wife to the world’s best doctor, mother to the sweetest daughter, caretaker to one wonder mutt and countless ill-fated goldfish and ready to write again. Our residence is Anytown, USA, among barking dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors and these are my stories.
Brandi Haas will be awarding $30 Amazon/BN Gift card to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour, and a $20 Amazon/BN Gift card to a randomly drawn host.